Something is Enough

Haiti. I saw a picture of a child after the earthquake. His face was wet with tears. Although his hair and eyes and face were different, he looked like my son. And suddenly I saw my baby surrounded by rubble, looking for me, afraid and alone. And I could see him but I couldn’t go to him.

And everything within me cries out. WHY? Why must a child suffer so deeply? Weren’t we created by a God who is good and loving? Isn’t there something good holding this world together? There must be something better than this. Every part of my being longs for something that I don’t have. Something I don’t see in the dirt and rocks of this world.

And I feel alone. Because I feel that this God I’ve always claimed to know could have stopped this. But He didn’t. And this child that could have been mine is desperate and afraid and alone. And I don’t know why.

And I have been silent, too overwhelmed with bits and ends of thoughts to try to piece things together. Pain. Suffering. Frail humanity pretending to be strong. Longing for meaning and purpose. Fighting against death yet knowing that death will find us anyway. Mourning the loss of loved ones. To what end? We miss them, we want them with us. They fill our lives with meaning and joy. But we all die, we all become dust. Why would God spare my child over yours?

I don’t understand this God. I can’t comprehend His place in this muddle of our tiny existence. He seems too vast and our lives too simple, solid celled organisms that pretend to be infinite.

Yet in the midst of these thoughts and questions I can feel something beating within me. Stronger. My heart beats. And as it pumps out its rhythm my core- my gut- the very depth of me- longs for something greater. Something bigger. Something eternal. Something within me calls to the infinite God. And I know. I call to the infinite God. I long for Him. And this very desire is evidence to me that HE IS.

And that is something.

And for now, that is enough.